Nikki vs The Big City: Brooklyn Life Off The L

DISCLAIMER: You don't have to read the whole thing, but to get a little perspective on something important, you should read the first two paragraphs of this post. I hope you agree.

Okay, guys, INSANE conversation with my mom a little while ago. I really don't understand how moms just know everything. Really. What is it?? I feel like you're just presented this outrageous amount of knowledge about life and the world the moment you birth a child. Or maybe it's presented to you in their teenage years as repayment for all the crap you have to put up with as a mother. The talking back, the fighting, the attitude, etc... I think that's it! We put our mom's through torture, some worse than others, and their repayment from the powers above is this all encompassing knowledge about life that they get to spit out at their kids during almost every situation or problem that arises. Now, you may wonder how that's a gift in this specific scenario? Well, simple. The gift is ALWAYS BEING RIGHT! How great is that feeling?! Especially when your bratty kid is giving you a hard time, thinks you're crazy because you're a mom and you're "old," and says things like "What does she know? Pshh, I'll show her!" And then BAM! Turns out, yes, your mother was right all along. Sweet victory is hers. I mean, I'm not saying seeing your kid down about being wrong is a good feeling, but that's really how you build their trust. You're consistently right! Eventually, as they grow up and as it keeps happening, they see this trend. They see that they don't have to necessarily fight with mom anymore. They can turn to her in guidance, because after all, mom is always (okay, don't get too cocky, moms. Let's say MOSTLY) right.

In my instance, her favorite thing to say that I hate hearing is "God has a plan for everything. Everything happens for a reason. You'll see." Never fails. I remember in college, in particular, she used that horrible combination of phrases on such a regular basis that I really started to loathe hearing "everything happens for a reason." I was bitter because sometimes what I originally thought I was supposed to do didn't actually happen. I remember being so upset and feeling so stupid for "failing" at something, and then, here they came... Those dreadful words. She'd repeat them with ease. "It's in God's hands," she'd say, "he's got a plan." She was always right. If you know me at all, you know how much I looooooooove being right. Oooh there are two things I love most in this world: 1) Music (that was easy) and 2) Being right. Considering how much I love that, you'd think I would REALLY despise being wrong ever. I do for the most part. But the truth is, my mother being right so much makes me love her that much more. I've reiterated my age (25!) a lot recently on this blog, but here it goes again. At 25, I fully understand and appreciate my mother's knowledge. Mom's in general, but really, most of all, my own. She knows me better than anyone in the world, and somehow she just knows what's right for me. I trust her more than anyone, and I'm actually thankful I've been wrong so many times with her because that's how I've created this superior bond and confidence with her. I know not everyone is actually as fortunate as myself to have such an outstanding person in their life, but I sincerely hope there's someone out there for everyone who fills this role. She doesn't read this blog, but maybe I'll send it her way somewhere down the line. For now, I have faith she just KNOWS how much I absolutely adore her as much, if not more, as humanly possible. It never hurts to hear it, but she knows everything. I know she knows this.

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Right, well, the first sappy part is over. You know I don't like sappy so let's move onto awesome! YEAH! Unfortunately, this post is mainly an epiphany post. A self-realization, if you will, based on the conversation with my mother today. It's going to be a lot of words, and probably no pictures. If you're curious about the conversation, read on. Otherwise, I hope you got something out of the intro above!

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So, today I was talking to my mom on Skype basically about my take on my life at the moment and how fantastic everything seems to be. It's looking like things are falling into place and I can't tell you how psyched I am at the months to come. I'd say years, but I really don't want to get ahead of myself. Right now, although I'm not in the most ideal scenario making big bucks at a snazzy label and living in a penthouse in Manhattan, I'm liking this whole set-up. You gotta pay your dues, and well... I'm finally starting to pay them. Life is good.

You share my happiness and enthusiasm, right? You're psyched on my behalf just as much and sometimes more than me about things falling into place slowly but surely, right? You're cheering me on and sincerely hoping for the best for my sake, right? You've been supportive this whole way and you don't even want to present the idea of failure because that's not an option. Going home is not an option, right?????

Wrong. Well, maybe not you. And maybe not completely wrong. But I get the feeling sometimes not everyone is on board with this whole crazy ride of mine. Maybe it's because it's just that: absolutely insane. I didn't choose to go into medicine or engineering or any other secure field. There's nothing wrong with those careers. They're pretty awesome. They're also not for me, and there's nothing wrong with my choice either. Maybe it's my fault that I haven't built the credibility and faith in the eyes of others that I do have the passion, drive and ability to get what I want and ultimately succeed. No, really. I do. I've created this happy go lucky, very easy going (borderline lazy), laid back, not a care in the world persona that so many of the people closest to me see. I've become a jester. I'm easy to laugh with (and at) because I've put humor at the forefront of my personality. You'll hear my college stories about putting off papers till 1 a.m. or how my roommates rarely saw me take my textbooks out of the bag from the bookstore until finals. I can see how this image has been painted that I don't really take life or myself seriously, so then why would I take my career seriously? Unfortunately, I haven't boasted enough about my efforts with the Music Business Program in college or my internships in both Georgia and London. Yeah, people like to talk about MTV because they've heard of it, but I did MUCH more substantial work elsewhere that no one really knows about. That's fine. I keep that to myself. But I've recently started to become a little fed up with this portrayal that I'm guilty of painting in the minds of family and friends. How is anyone supposed to have faith in me with that in mind?

Well, in all honesty, I kind of gave them the benefit of the doubt. It wasn't until recently when I realized how poor my image truly is with some of the people I love most and hold nearest and dearest to me. More so, now is the time when that really sucks. As I mentioned before, I've landed two pretty awesome jobs with two pretty awesome companies in NYC. Again, one is with a music publicity company that isn't necessarily well known by name, but their client list is anything but shabby. The other is a very well known company which is practically ruling the world right now. My role in both companies is small and low on the totem pole. For some reason, one of them is highly overlooked. I cannot emphasize enough how little so many people care about my role with the music company. Instead, they ask and only want to hear about Apple, even though it's in retail. Don't get me wrong, I actually kind of like retail. And let's face it, Apple retail is pretty awesome (not so much Apple snobs though....). The stores are always stunning. The workers are usually pleasant. The company is brilliant in how it treats it's employees. Okay, I can see why you're happy about Apple. However, as absolutely grateful and ecstatic as I am about landing that Apple job, I did not come to NYC with the sole purpose of working in retail. It's a means of keeping me here for now. You know why I really came here? MUSIC! Guess what! My work with the music company is just as, if not more so, significant in my being here in NYC. It may only be 2 days a week and I may still be doing grunt work for the most part, but hey! It is a step in the right direction! I more than likely will not being spending the rest of my life trying to move up the chain of Apple retail. I'm movin' on up in the music biz, baby! What's gonna get me there? A POSITION WITH A MUSIC COMPANY!!!!! No matter how minor it may be. Got it? Good. Let's be equally grateful and happy about both. They're both amazing.

So you may be wondering how this all ties in with my mom (sounds like a joke. haha It's not). We spent the first 30 min or so discussing the paragraph above. Then we moved into the good stuff.

EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON!!!!!

There it is again. That phrase I had grown to hate but now appreciate so much. She's right again! It's been a pretty spectacular journey to even get where I am today, and also to continue on in the direction I'm going. It sounds cliche but I'm thrilled I read "Eat Pray Love" at the beginning of this NYC endeavor. It puts things into perspective and makes more sense now than I think it would have any other time in my life. The book largely emphasizes the path of life and the "plan" we already have set for all of us. How you perceive that I guess is up to you. You just have to let it play out. There's a story in the book where the author, Liz, is discussing an incredible life-changing deed she's done for a great friend of hers, Wayan. Wayan asks "what would I do if you never came here?" Liz writes (directly from the book):

"But I was always coming here. I thought about one of my favorite Sufi poems, which says that God long ago drew a circle in the sand exactly around the spot where you are standing right now. I was never not coming here. This was never not going to happen."

Elizabeth Gilbert, you are so absurdly correct, ma'am. I agree wholeheartedly. This came up with my mom as we discussed this crazy journey and where it all started, when I was but a wee tot. My mom said she sees a drive in me like no other. She sees a passion that maybe no one else really sees. Apparently she's seen it for quite some time, which is why she is so fantastically supportive. [Have I mentioned how lucky I truly am to have been blessed with the parents I have? Yeah. So lucky!!!] However, not even my mother knew how far back this puzzle of my career dates back. And I say puzzle because I feel like everything works together and little bits and pieces fit like a puzzle in achieving my ultimate goal of success in the music industry.

I'm sure you've all heard about when I was about 7, I used to pretend to be a radio dj on my computer. I'd plug in the mic, headphones and pop in a cd. Then I'd talk to my "listeners" about each song like I was hosting a show. *NERD ALERT* Yeah I really was that cool. Then I wrote a letter to KTFM, the most popular radio station at the time in San Antonio, about letting me and my friends on the air for "Munchkin Hour" because we (I) had been practicing on our (my) computer at home. I bothered those people at the station quite often before and after that. I'm pretty sure they knew me by name. They were thrilled about my efforts and overall pitch of this new, sure-hit radio show. I even said they could pay us in cd's!!!! No money necessary! Well, I guess they were flattered by the offer, but unfortunately were "all filled up" at the time. But they still paid us!!! SCORE! In the currency we requested, too. We received a box in the mail from the station full of cd's and cassettes (that's how long ago that was). I was more than happy to accept, but still a little disappointed we didn't get the gig. My first music business rejection.

Alas, I kept at it. My next music biz memory I informed my mother about occurred in middle school. I was in gym class discussing with a friend the topic of our future careers. I mentioned that I'd like to be a music producer. She asked "like Dr. Dre?" Yeah.... I guess. She followed with an outburst of laughter. This wasn't funny to me. I was serious. Well, I didn't really fully think I wanted to be a producer, but I also didn't know how to word that I wanted a career in the music industry, because I didn't really have any knowledge of such a career. I knew the term "producer," so I said that. I don't even remember that dumb girl's name. I wonder what she'd think now if she knew I was in NYC working in the music business. Sucka.

The next step in the puzzle is a bit of a sore subject with my family: Georgia. I am forever grateful to that state for changing my life. Had we not moved to Georgia, I wouldn't have gone to the University of Georgia. Had I not gone to UGA, I may not have discovered the Music Business Program and I might actually be embarking on a different career path altogether without ever knowing how to get started in a career involving my lifelong passion. (But then again, I was never going to NOT move to Georgia, remember?) Now, I know it sucks for my extended family to think about that because the move to Georgia was quite difficult. Hindsight, it changed all of our lives, and I'll even go so far as to say it saved us. My aunts and uncles used to tell me "there's nothing wrong with SAC," meaning San Antonio College, a community college. They're right. There's nothing wrong with it. However, what that meant to me was that they really never expected much from me. In their eyes, with that slacker persona I created, I possibly wasn't cut out for a major university. Well, back then I set out to prove them wrong and I would accept nothing less than a major university. I chose the University of Georgia, largely because of the HOPE Scholarship. I may have been able to go bigger, but anything smaller was just not an option for me personally. If you tell me to do something that I don't want to do, I'm going to do the opposite. That's just how I am. Today, this is applicable because I am absolutely sick and tired of hearing "it's okay to come home to San Antonio if NYC doesn't work. The job market is tough. Blah blah blah." I know all this, and I appreciate your acceptance and support should things not fly my way. However, that thought is so far out of my mind, as it should be. Right now, San Antonio is not an option, and the more I hear about, the clearer I would like to make that it will probably never be an option. I've gotten out of there, and I think I'm better for, in my particular circumstance. As much as I would love to be with family, I've got things in my life I have to take care of career-wise, and SA just has no market for me. Hearing about the acceptance of my potential failure is really only driving me more to make sure that doesn't happen.

I thought all this was only playing in my head, and that maybe I was possibly a bit *gasp* wrong about my family's perception of my life/career. It was reassuring to know that my mom saw everything the same way. She swooped in to save the day, and she was right there with me the whole time. We never had this discussion before in any way, yet she knew exactly what was going on and had thought about it all before herself. I just find it so interesting how well mothers pick up on what's going on in our brains. Maybe it's because we are an extension of them, so we tend to think the same way. I really don't get this phenomenon, but I won't fight it. I fully embrace it. I realize I am so lucky and blessed. I have the coolest, funniest, kindest lady in the world as my mother, and I have her full support in every single thing I do. My dad ain't so bad either! He's right there with her on the sideline cheering me on and backing every decision I make. They're helping me out financially right now but they consider it an "investment" and expect to be paid back with a bit of interest. I'm thinkin' Daddy gets a sailboat/yacht and Mama gets a baller trip to the Vatican.

I'm sorry if this post is a little all over the place. It was really all about my conversation with my mom, and it touched on the overall gist of it. I know, at the end of the day, I truly have the hands down GREATEST family in the world, and I know they're all supportive of me and want the best for me. Again, I'm so fortunate and so very blessed to have been born into such a great support group and I love them all more than anything. I just hope I can show them all what I'm capable of and ultimately make them all proud. So, c'mon, New York. If I conquer you, maybe my family will be more supportive at the thought of me conquering London next! :) That's all for now, folks! Night night, world!

Friday, December 14, 2012

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Testing the SoundCloud widget. Let's see how it goes...

Moms Should Read This, And So Should Everyone Else